Last time I saw a crack that big, my uncle was bending over at Christmas! HEYOOOOO!
Seriously though, we’re probably all going to die.
I’d just like to point out that the movie The Day After Tomorrow starts with giant cracks appearing in Antarctica. And do you know what happened next? A terrible movie. This year could be a terrible movie, but in reality.
Something is killing large marine animals. It’s big enough that it can take on whale sharks and sperm whales, its territory spans most of the world’s oceans, and it’s quick enough to travel between those places in a matter of days. I think we all know what’s the cause of this.
Presumably it was somehow thwarted by a rag-tag group of disparate individuals who had to overcome their differences to save the world.
This thing passed within 60,000 km of earth. That may sound like a long way off, but it’s less than a fifth of the distance to the moon. In astronomical terms, it brushed past our ear.
Sure, so called “experts” in “Astronomy” say it was in no danger of hitting us, but what if it was just a practice run for later in the year? The black force of apocalyptic destiny must have to warm up its throwing arm.
Every once in a while, the Sun just vomits up huge plumes of molten plasma and radiation. Enormous plumes. So big they could swallow the earth.
The result is a massive stream of particles which interfere with radio and other telecommunications, and just generally make things unpleasant. They also cause the Northern Lights, in a sort of cosmic “sorry!” note left under the wiper of a badly dinged car in a parking lot.
Could this latest eruption be merely the precursor to a chain of solar activity that could sear the very face of the planet off? Or could it be slightly lower in intensity, merely knocking out all global communications and plunging us into a new dark age? I can’t see any other possibility here.
I like to imagine that if there ever was a nuclear war, as the bombs fell, these guys would make the time to go to the physical clock and solemnly move its hands to the midnight position. As the bright flashes burned away everything except their shadow, their final act would be to look at one another with the ultimate “I told you so” look on their faces.
Which does make me wonder though- what would happen if they just went in and moved the hands back to, like quarter-past 10? Would everyone instantly regress to an age of harmony? Or, in the terrifying opposite scenario, what if someone moved the hands to midnight, as a joke? “Mr President, the doomsday clock says it’s two minutes past midnight. We’re late for the apocalypse.”
This would probably have made the site even if hundreds of fish had just washed up on a beach. I mean, what do they know that we don’t? Obviously a mass hysteria has gripped them, leaving them with no other option than mass suicide.
It’s the only possible explanation.
But the thing about this story that smells… fishy (I’m so sorry) is the fact that these fish have then disappeared again without a trace. Sure, “official” sources say it was probably natural wave action washing them out to sea again, but then, they would say that, wouldn’t they?